my dear little one

June 11, 2018

My dear little one, 

 

The last few days with you have been utter bliss. Maybe I am being overly dramatic, but at least that's how it feels after some pretty tough weeks.

 

Although we do have one behavior getting a tad worse. My heart breaks every time you forcefully bring your beautiful little face to the ground in frustration. But I don't want to talk about that right now because we are having way too many little big wins lately, and it has been incredible to witness.

Like the time I pointed to your cup across the room, you followed my gaze and pointed to it too. Or when you were throwing rocks--quite impressively I may add, and when I asked you to throw them downward, the next two you did. You really understood what mama said?! I was and still am shocked by that one.

 

How about the several times you've brought me your shoes when I've asked, amazing. And the numerous times I've purposely dropped something only to ask you to pick it up for me, and you have.

 

Your new willingness to give kisses *almost* every time I ask is something I have wished and prayed for, for a long time.

See little one, you are what I sometimes refer to as a sour patch kid--one day you'll learn what candy is. I guess having food aversions can also have its perks too, because you have never wanted anything of the sort.

 

Although yesterday, I was eating your bunny grahams--because you never do, you noticed and reached up for one. You cautiously studied it, took the smallest bite I've ever seen, and now you're hooked. I told you they were delicious.

 

But back to the sour patch, see when anything--and I mean anything is presented to you, you can first be a tad sour. A little oppositional. You may think you can't do it. But once you get over those hurdles, you are unstoppable. With a whole lotta love, guidance and patience, you are learning that you are capable of anything

You're learning that it's okay if you don't get it right on the first try. You're slowly letting mom and dad help you, show you, teach you. And that's all we've ever wanted. You're trusting us, Noah. You're beginning to see that we're on your side, and always have been.

 

Lets just say, it has been pretty magical. 

 

You're still loving tv--and I don't know if that ever really will change. Honestly, that's okay my love. You see, I have been bothered by your need for shows and movies. I thought it took you away from our world. I thought you liked it more than us. But lately, as you watch your shows, you want us right there next to you.

 

You look to see if we notice a certain part. You want to wave bye together as the show ends. You light up like I've never seen when I sing the songs or repeat the lines that you know.

 

You are just so happy Noah.

These are your friends. You want us to be a part of that world because it's what makes the most sense to you right now. And you know what, that's perfectly okay bud because your happiness is our happiness. Perhaps with time, our two worlds with become one. A couple months ago, I wasn't too sure that was a possibility.

 

Something amazing has changed in you Noah. It's like you've woken up. Of course along with that has come toddler emotions and an energy that I've never seen from you. But we'll get through it, and learn as we go. Like we always do.

 

I don't think I've ever been this hopeful for you my sweet boy.

And I've begun to paint pictures of what the future could entail. It might be a different picture than most, or than what was originally planned. But as I begin to see it unfold, I'm not as scared anymore.

 

Sometimes I see you communicating with your talker, and having some massive and impressive rock collection. Always so excited to show us your latest find, and us just as excited for you.

 

Sometimes I see you on stage, like broadway, because you absolutely love an audience and you're just so lively that you would shine. Either path, or any path you take, I can't wait to see. 

Part of me feels guilty for even writing this. Like I should always be celebrating you in this way. Not to say that I don't, but we have some pretty tough days little one. Autism gives you endless challenges that sometimes I don't know how to navigate. But I am learning, just like you. 

 

You and me Noah, we have been like glue lately, and by the time I put you to bed I am exhausted. I have a full blown toddler and our summer has just begun.

 

I have so many plans and ideas for us little guy. Some you may think you don't like at first, but we will be open minded, give new things a try, and work through it together. Like we've been doing since day one.

 

Your mama loves you something fierce little one, always have, and always will. 

 

 

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