the one who isn't there

February 1, 2019

As a mom to a little boy with autism, I have learned quite a bit on this journey. How to fight for something greater. About realistic hope and expectations. About what is actually really important in this life—like communication and relationships.

 

I never knew just how much relationships would change when you have a child with special needs. Some are for the better for sure, but some for the worse. I’ve filled my tribe with those who are genuinely supporting and loving. And the ones who aren’t, well, they’re not really around.

Honestly, I won’t beg anyone to be a part of my kid’s life, or mine. I won’t force you to get to know Noah. Like really get to know him. Not just treat him like something that needs to be “fixed” or like an alien. He’s just a kid, who is amazing and full of light and joy—if you actually allowed yourself to see these things.

 

I’ve learned the people you thought would always be there, sometimes aren’t. And it can feel as though a wall has been put up. For so long I thought it was me—that I had put up this wall. Maybe I’ve changed too much? Maybe my life is too sad? But gosh, it’s my life and my truth and how is that fair? 

The thing is, I’m on the autism train. I’ve accepted it. I’ve embraced it. And if you’re not on the train with me...well, eventually we’re going to crash. 

 

Noah needs to be surrounded by people who wholeheartedly accept him—autism and all. Because it isn’t going anywhere. It’s a part of who he is. 

 

Noah doesn’t need people who gasp like he’s a monster when he self injures. Or those who question any and everything he does. So when you stop coming around, or calling. And you don’t offer to help—I think that sends a pretty clear message.

One day my son won’t recognize your face. In fact, he has probably forgotten a few by now—and I don’t blame him. When and if the day comes where he starts asking questions, they will be answered truthfully. Although he already knows the truth—you just show up. 

 

I hope one day you grab a seat on the next train and join us. Because, we’ll be waiting.

 

 

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