not a disappointment

March 20, 2019

When I was younger, I always hoped to have a son one day. I never thought about how many kids I wanted to have, or the ages between them. Or the fact that I could have a child with special needs. I just knew I wanted a little boy. 

 

And God heard those wishes as a little girl, and gave me Noah. 

 

Now, if I were to go on and have another boy, or possibly even another boy after that. I would never, in a million years ever say the words - I have gender disappointment.

I didn’t even know that was a term, but apparently it is because in the last couple weeks I’ve seen it written three times. In a mommy group: “how do I handle the disappointment I feel from having three boys?”

 

Now I understand if a couple has had a few boys, of course they may want a daughter to change it up. But to actually say you are disappointed...Although I wouldn’t think that way, boy do I wish that was my struggle in life. 

 

I wish I could so casually write those words.

 

How I wish one of my greatest upsets, was my child’s gender.

 

To be so blissfully unaware as this mama. 

And I know we all have hardships in life — I will never downplay any of them, but I wonder what  your life must be like to be so upset that you wanted to play with bows and have tea parties instead of playing in the dirt and with trucks. 

 

I wish I had that life.

 

My child yells, cries and even sometimes hits his head on the ground when I try to play with him. 

 

And some people want children -- any child, but can’t have them. Some of us have children with lifelong disabilities that affect them daily. Some children don’t even play at all — or go trick or treating, or to birthday parties, or believe in Santa. You know, all the magic of childhood stuff. 

Some children may never learn to speak, ever. And some of us parents have children that may never “grow up,” and they will live with us forever.

 

So I hope those who have really felt disappointed by a perfectly healthy baby based on their gender will start to count their blessings. My son who has autism, isn’t a disappointment. So mama, your three boys aren’t either. 

 

 

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